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Archive for January, 2008

Shake your ass…

Posted by Gin on January 22, 2008

…but watch yourself.


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Posted by Gin on January 18, 2008

Sometimes I hate working in an uptight government agency.
An IM conversation I just had with a coworker:

C: SOOO ready for this week to be over.
Gin: Word. I need a drink.
C: Something stiff.
Gin: I don’t need something stiff, just a LOT of Something.

C: I need a lot of something stiff.

Gin: Ouch.
Gin: (Also: “That’s what she said!”)

Gin: I’m sorry, that was really, really bad
C: Wow. That is SO inappropriate.

C: I’m gonna screen-capture this and use it for blackmail.
Gin: Whatever.

I get that the “That’s what she said!” thing is juvenile and lame most of the time, but it’s been a long week, and COME ON, I had to take it there.
And if your virginal little mind didn’t take it there, and it offended that I did, you can no longer sit at my lunch table.

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Posted by Gin on January 17, 2008

It has been a very, very slow afternoon. I’ve spent the past hour searching for old boyfriends on the internet. It’s not stalking, it’s research. Sidenote: the internet connection here at work is being a piece of shit.

I am kind of between tasks at work right now. I’ve officially been given the New Job Title, and I will see New Job Title Money in my paycheck beginning next month, but I…have nothing to actually do with the New Job just yet. So I’ve just been biding my time for the past few weeks (hence starting this blog) and waiting for the inevitable huge wave of preliminary stuff to do.

I can’t say that I’ve been totally sad about having the down time. I’m actually pretty terrified of my new job, so I’ve been dragging my feet a bit to get started, lest things get going, I get overwhelmed, and my boss and coworkers figure out what I’ve been trying to hide for years: I am not actually a grown-up.

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Posted by Gin on January 17, 2008

I am an old lady.

I love Luby’s.

Something I honest-to-God did not realize until about the last year was that Luby’s is a Southern thing. Tragic!
I’d like to buy the world a Coke, and a Luann platter with fresh homemade mac and cheese and a buttery cloverleaf roll, and some fruit salad on the side, and then we can sing in perfect harmony about how wonderfully full our bellies feel, and then take a nice long nap.

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Posted by Gin on January 16, 2008

There is probably not a single day that goes by that I’m not thankful that no one can read my mind. I was stuck in a 2-hour meeting yesterday and covered the whole gamut of thoughts; from G-rated, “What should I cook for dinner tonight?”, to the, um, more R-rated kind (but those only involved my husband). Speaking of such things, I’m especially glad no one around me possesses that telepathic superpower, as my dream last night featured a coworker pretty prominently. It wasn’t anything bad, but I was flirting pretty heavily, and so I woke up this morning feeling guilty and embarrassed. Have passed said coworker in the hall a few times already this morning, and every time I do, I want to apologize for acting like such an inappropriate idiot last night…in the dream he…doesn’t know about. Just shut up, Gin.

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Posted by Gin on January 15, 2008

Apparently, I sound like I actually know shit:

cash advance

Unfortunately, my personal blog only got an elementary school reading-level rating. Maybe because I cuss too much…? Meh.

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Posted by Gin on January 14, 2008

Q: Who needs a good Monday morning jam?
A: Me.

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Posted by Gin on January 11, 2008

So I’m trying to get pregnant.
I promise to make a concerted effort not to turn this into a baby blog – I’m not hating on them; they have their place, but I don’t want to focus just on that here, despite the fact that I spend a lot of time thinking on it.
Anyway, I am just about to start my second month of hormone treatment –I’ve been off the pill for just over 6 months, but the ovaries are rusty and are having trouble getting going. My husband J and I were okay but not great about taking advantage of the fertility window last month – it fell right before Christmas, and between me being sick, then him, then all the family obligations and bullshit, it just wasn’t really happening. So the other night I got out my handy-dandy chart and the calendar, and figured out my peak days so we can be sure to get on it this month.

Me: “So we’re gonna need to have sex about every day from the16th to the 21st, so don’t make any after work plans during that time. You’ll need to come home and do your wife.”
J: “Wow, you’re serious about this.”
Me: “Well, we kind of have to get on it. The next step is injections, and I am not sticking any needles in my ass if I can help it. And you’re not getting any younger.” [J is in his thirties, and has this self-imposed rule that he wants to be done with all babymaking before he’d 40.]
J: “So that means that no matter what, you can’t turn me down…hmmmm…”
Me: “Oh, shit.”
J: [in horrid Canadian accent] “Wanna bone, eh?”
Me: “Oh GOD.”
J: “Do you feel like some…sausage? Hee hee hee! Wanna touch my wang? Hee hee hee!”

And this has gone on for the past few days. I’m really, really hoping he tires of it or forgets (not likely), so when the time comes I won’t feel like I’m sleeping with a 7th grader.

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Posted by Gin on January 11, 2008

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Posted by Gin on January 10, 2008

I am really into lists. It’s like a sickness, y’all.

But while I crave organization, I am also really, really lazy. Therefore, here are some lists from my other blog, carefully cut and pasted for your reading pleasure.

Things I Do That Drive My Husband Nuts

1. When I clean the floors, I:
-Move all possible furniture out of the room so that every possible bit of exposed floor is clean. (I don’t fuck around with my floors, man)
-Vacuum instead of sweep
-Insist on using a Clorox Ready Mop instead of an old grody Libman string mop as his mom does (*pointed look*)
2. I make a big mess when I cook
3. I am not that great about recycling plastic – I’m too lazy to walk into the other room to put things in the recycle bin, so I just stick things in the trash and cover it up. However, he will usually dig through the trash and wash off whatever it is and put it in the bin for me, so I guess it works out in the end
4. I shed a lot of hair (he’s just got to get over that on his own)
5. I drive fast
6. I’m pretty spendy
7. I talk loudly
8. I insist on people turning down/off the radio/tv when we’re talking to each other
9. I kick the covers off my feet when I sleep, and he likes his covered up
10. I hoard wrapping paper (but I am prepared to fulfill your gift-wrapping needs for any occasion – Hanukkah included! Even though we don’t know any Jewish people! But just in case!)

Things I Dig

1. New socks
2. When I’m at the store and my total purchase, with tax, equals an exact dollar amount
3. Tearing paper along a perforation
4. Taking a bath in a freshly scrubbed tub (that I didn’t have to clean)
5. Multiples of 5
6. Opening the door to pull yummy food out of the oven and letting the aroma hit you, all warm and comforting
7. Writing in large letters with a Sharpie
8. Putting on fresh, clean underwear after a shower
9. The sound of crunching into an apple
10. Leisurely, messy cooking
11. Wearing jeans to work
12. Christmas music after Thanksgiving
13. Stripes
14. Grilled cheese sandwiches
15. Using my clicky highlighters
16. Major chords
17. Folding a paper and making sharp creases
18. Big production numbers in musicals
19. Funny magnets
20. Going to a funny movie and laughing along with everyone else in the theater
21. Receiving postcards
22. Being deemed a “culinary goddess” by one’s coworker for the fucking badass from-scratch, still-warm-from-the-oven chocolate pecan pound cake you brought to work
23. Saturday afternoons
24. Soft hair
25. Rearranging furniture
26. Wings and beer

Things That Bug The Shit Out of Me

1. Obviously bottle-fake red hair that is attempted to be passed off as “natural” (Case in point, my mother-in-law. That should tell you a lot about her.)
2. People that insist on having long conversations in the middle of the narrow, busy hallway, and get all huffy and offended when people have to say “Excuse me” and walk between them
3. When people leave their blinker on for too long
4. Mussed-up eyebrows
5. Over penciled-in eyebrows
6. Women of A Certain Age that, props to them, are in great shape, but wear their jeans painted on. Pardon me; your junk just called, and it can’t breathe.
7. Men with long fingernails. Gross.
8. Half tucked-in shirts
9. When socks start to lose their elasticity
10. Pens or pencils put back in their cup pointy end up
11. Smeared ink
12. Leg stubble
13. Greasy hair in the workplace
14. Wet Band-aids
15. Watered down drinks
16. Televised car chases. Dude, they’ve got 20 cruisers and every new chopper in town on you – you are not going to slip away.
17. The smell of stale take-out in my car
18. When food runs together on my plate.
19. Public bralessness in big-boobie women (I’m not hating – I’ve got big knockers too, and never walk past the end of my driveway without strapping them down.)
20. At the beginning of TV shows, when they go “Previously on [x]…”
21. Condensation rings
22. When the toilet flushes so violently that it leaves water droplets on the toilet seat
23. Prime numbers (23…it’s a…prime number…get it???)
24. Yeah, I can’t end on a prime number, so…pastel colors

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