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Archive for October, 2010

Posted by Gin on October 29, 2010

I worked really hard on this.

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Posted by Gin on October 20, 2010

So I did it.
Today I had my first official appointment with at an official infertility clinic with an official reproductive endocrinologist, which made me officially terrified.

I was a nervous wreck all morning, got exactly 15 minutes of actual work done before my 1:30 p.m. appointment, couldn’t eat, , and then got lost on the way to the clinic despite the fact that it is 10 minutes away from my work and on a Very Main Road With The Word “Medical” In It.

John met me there, bless him, so at the very least I had someone to whisper “WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?” to when we are left alone in the waiting room.

Our doctor used a bunch of giant scary words, all of which I’d heard and read before – hysteroscopy, hysterosalpingogram (HSG), endometriosis, intrauterine insemination – and I was diligent, attentive, asked questions, wrote things down, had a bunch of blood drawn, made plans for more bloodwork, more tests, more transfer of records. I was mature and held it together. And then I got in the car to drive home and realized that SHIT IS GETTING REAL, Y’ALL.

I never, ever, ever thought I would be here. Doing this.
To start thinking seriously about the prospect of jamming a mothereffing needle full of hormones into my OWN SELF.
The fact that very soon, once I get through the first couple of diagnostic tests, all treatments and procedures will be paid for totally out of pocket. No more co-pay. Bye-bye, savings.

We met up at home afterwards, and as we lay in bed next to each other, staring at the ceiling, John asked if I was sure if this is what I wanted to do. And I answered, “I don’t know what else to do.”

Because I really don’t.

And so here we go.

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Posted by Gin on October 14, 2010

Highlights from my dream last night:

– Very sexy flirting and goings-on with one Mr. Justin Timberlake (which is SO random)

– JT falsettoing a very, very dirty song to me (of which I can remember some very specific lyrics, and now I’m blushing)

– All of this going on while at a family reunion

– Where I was fighting with everyone in re: to my stupid sister

– And then Karen from chookooloonks showed up to take pictures

– Except she was white

– I told her that her random appearance was a “good sign”

– Then I turned into a robot, and folded myself up, Transformer-style, in order to charge myself in the breaker box on the side of the house

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