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Archive for April, 2011

Infertility Insensitivity, or Don’t Fuck With Me, I’m On Hormones

Posted by Gin on April 26, 2011

I was furious to the point of tears over this on Friday afternoon, angrily texted some friends about it, ranted and raved to John. I seriously considered writing about it then, but just figured I needed to calm down some. Now it’s four days later, and yeah, I’m still kinda pissed, so here goes:

Last month’s round of Clomid was unsuccessful in more ways than one, so Here We Go Again for April/May. I stopped by the pharmacy near my work to pick up my prescription – I love this drugstore because it’s NEVER busy, I’ve gotten great service, and also, since it’s near work and not home, there is no danger of running into my mother-in-law there and her grilling me, WHAT, ARE YOU SICK, WHAT’S WRONG, I HAVE ANTIBIOTICS IN MY PURSE.

I roll up to the drive-thru window, give the pharmacy tech – a kind-looking woman in her late forties – my information. As she’s tapping away at the keyboard, she looks at me through the glass and says, pityingly, “Are you hoping for it to happen soon?”

I am too flabbergasted to answer, and also she still has my precious drugs in her hand, so I just “Errrraahhhhhuhhhh…” and put my hand out. “No, not at all, I just pop hormones because I love the mood swings and crying jags and weird sprays of acne – it’s superfun!”, I think. JUST GIVE ME THE DRUGS.

“Are you praying for a little boy or a little girl?”

Again, I have no words.

“Well then, I’ll just pray for you a healthy baby.”

I just shrug, grab the bag out of the drawer, take off.

I was so floored, and ANGRY, I had to pull over in the parking lot to catch  my breath. I was tempted to march back into the store and give her, someone, anyone, a piece of my mind, but I could not guarantee that it would not devolve into me just screaming unintelligibly, crying, and throwing things, before exiting with a loud “MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” and driving off.

What does she say to customers that come in for STD meds? “Hope the itching subsides!” Or antidepressants? “Don’t be sad – it’s Friday!” Or is it just the fact that it involves my uterus make it okay for her to ask questions?

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES – ESPECIALLY if you are some kind of medical/pharmaceutical professional, or if you are even just the checkout girl at the grocery store who gives me a Knowing Look as she scans the ovulation kits and pregnancy tests along with my giant bottle of wine and 3-pack of Kleenex – is it appropriate for you to comment on or ask questions about the goings-on (or not!) of a stranger’s reproductive system. Ever.

“But I’m just trying to be nice!”

How nice for you that you are trying to be nice. If you feel that strongly about it, say a silent prayer or send good vibes. Keep your mouth shut.

“I didn’t mean any harm!”

Of course you didn’t, few people do, but that doesn’t make it any less likely that you may find your eyes being clawed out by a woman who is working REALLY HARD at just trying to hold her shit together until she gets home and can watch “Intervention” and feel better about her own life circumstances.

“I just want to be helpful and supportive!”

Be helpful and supportive by doing your job quickly and courteously, without editorializing or being nosy. If it’s not your job to talk to this person, just be kind and stay out of the way. In other words, just treat her the same way you should be treating everyone else.

Just because you also have a uterus does not mean you have the right to inquire about someone else’s, and even though it’s important that woman listen to and try to support each other through experiences that are exclusive to our sex, that does not mean that every woman wishes to lay bare her soul to a stranger.

Having said all of this now, I will admit to two things:

1)      I acknowledge that this is a very sensitive subject for me, and YES, sometimes people are just unintentional jerks because (SHOCK!) they can’t read minds, and we are all guilty of not speaking thoughtfully and having something dumb tumble out of our mouths before we can fully think through the implications of what we’re saying. It happens.

2)      I have to work really, really hard at not falling prey to these excuses myself. If I want people to stay out of *my* ladybits, I should stay out of others’, even if it seems harmless at the time. It might not be.

My experiences with infertility have caused me to closely reexamine a L O T of things in my life – reconciling my fervent desire to have a child with my fervent pro-choice stance; my need to feel heard while also wanting privacy; my own tendency towards nosiness while trying to remember to respect the privacy of others; realizing that despite the hole I feel in my life right now, I have a pretty fucking awesome life, and that All Of This is just a part of it (and also, I know, shutup whitegirlproblems).

I also realize I cannot go through life expecting everyone and everything to cater to ME and walk on eggshells so as not to possibly hurt my feelings. But a nosy jerkface is a nosy jerkface, so.

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Possible Meanings Of The “TMNT” Vanity Plate On The Car In Front Of Me This Morning

Posted by Gin on April 25, 2011

Totally Menacing Neck Tats

Touching My New Testicle

Trust Me: Never Tapdance

Trouble Making New Treaties

Terrible Monotonous Neverending Trailers

Tangotinis Make Nerds Tipsy

P.S. I *KNOW* it meant Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – I mean, it was a Focus, and the dude driving the car was a NERD, but I find these possible explanations much more entertaining.

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Diet Tips, or Why I Can’t Wear Clothes From High School Anymore

Posted by Gin on April 12, 2011

Gin

[11:36] My cubemates keep talking about weight loss stuff

[11:36] And I hope it’s not like, HINT-HINT, GIN

[11:36] Because seriously, you are barking up the wrong tree

[11:37] I am not interested in limiting my daily intake to, like, yogurt and a handful of almonds

Bananahammock Underwear Burglar

[11:37] And delicious RICE CAKES.

[11:38] I’ve got one of those Otis Spunkmeyer cookies from the cafeteria. Should I come over and eat it ever-so-slowly in your cube?

Gin

[11:38] I DON’T LIKE YOGURT. Which means I could never do on a diet, so I should just never try. Because I think that’s, like, a rule. Diet = yogurt.

[11:38] You should. Like, right in front of [obnoxious calorie-counting cubemate].

[11:38] I think you should pick up some nacho cheese to dip it in

[11:38] And some bacon bits to sprinkle on top

[11:39] Then deep-fry it

[11:39] And dust some powdered sugar on top

[11:39] Garnish with strawberries. Because fruit is good for you.

 

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Posted by Gin on April 4, 2011

Infertility is like running blindly in a marathon, and you can’t tell where you are, and you have no idea how long you will be running, but you keep seeing plenty of other people cross the finish line, and just when you think you are running out of physical/emotional/psychological reserves, well, TOO BAD – keep on truckin’ it, sister.

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