Purge

Tomorrow is the first day of October; the last quarter of 2008.

Earlier this year I decided to take a step back from the fertility treatments for a while – just get back to normal and focus on my husband and work more. I told myself and J that, if necessary, in the fall I would go back to the doctor and get back on the babymaking bandwagon again. So now it’s here, and my business is still not working on its own. And I don’t know if I want to go and do it all over again.

It’s not that I’ve at all wavered on having a baby; I still want children, I still want to get pregnant. But the idea of going through the hormones-sex-sex-sex-wait-test-wait-cry-lather-rinse-repeat cycle does not exactly have me jumping out of bed in the morning. It was incredibly stressful, and I wish I could just swallow the watermelon seed like that girl told me on the playground when I was five. And here’s where I get into the part of the post that makes me want to step out of myself, look at the girl that’s sitting here typing this and ask, “Who the hell are you?”: I keep thinking about the idea of putting things on hold and focusing on my career. Believe me when I say that I never, never, never EVER thought I’d be writing those words. Until I got my current job, I always figured that once I started having children, I’d take a few years off to stay at home full-time until my children were in school. But now: I love working.

My work is challenging and stressful and a new set of the same old problems and obstacles to tackle every week, and even though I bitch about it and my coworkers sometimes, I really love what I do. It is damn cool. I’m getting better (hopefully!) every day, and I’m still learning so much. Is it fair for me to divide my time and my loyalties between two things that I care so much about: my family and my career? Am I kidding myself that I’m even good enough at what I do that I should even consider trying to stick with it throughout pregnancy and babyhood; will I still be taken as seriously if I take 3 months of maternity leave, and come back high on baby fumes? I feel at enough of a disadvantage as it is – I’m nearly ten years younger or more than most of my counterparts, and I feel like that and my newness not just to this position but to the organization in general means I have to work even harder. Am I stupid to try to throw parenthood in the mix? Or am I stupid to let a job keep me from doing the One Thing I have know I wanted for as long as I can remember?

And I know I’m just 26 and it’s not like my ovaries are shriveling up into raisins, but for some reason I feel like if I don’t start this now, I will have to wait until 2010 (or later?) to finish out what I feel like is a commitment I’ve made. But again, am I overestimating my worth and value to my company? I may get 2 years down the road and it will be determined that they really don’t need me anymore, and I will have wasted my time.

I’m just afraid of overcommitting myself and, in typical Gin fashion, doing many things Just Okay instead of a few things Well. Will I be making the choice of Mediocre-At-Best Mom/Wife/Worker Bee vs. Good Wife/Worker Bee?

So even though we have power back and everything’s been pretty hunky dory, we’re having some water issues (we have a well because we live in the sticks). Apparently abruptly turning off your water well for nearly two weeks will screw it up. Dig, if you will, the picture: I am happily showering this morning, with my collection of assorted hair product and girly foofoo stuff to keep me company, and all of a sudden the water just….sort of…..stops… I turn the faucet off and on a few times, and no dice. So I do what anyone left half-showered at 6 in the morning would do; I stand there helplessly, dripping water, unrinsed conditioner, face covered in goo, and start screaming for help. J finally stumbles into the bathroom and seems sort of mad and yet amused to see me standing there shivering and naked as the day I was born (though more heavily tattooed). Turns out that there was sediment or something clogging the water line, and it finally worked its way out, but not before I completed a hasty 30-second-waning-water-pressure-lukewarm-at-best rinse in the other shower. Suck. Not the way one would like to start off what is already turning into a hell of a week.

So I’m off to make cookies to bring for my coworkers tomorrow in an effort to put some good energy out there. I hope a story featuring my bare ass has brought you some amusement, or at the very least some reassurance that between the two of us, I am the one that has looked like more of an idiot today. Congratulations, you win!

Out with the old…?

So I’m tired of this blog layout.

This was just the one I liked the best of what Blogger offered at the time. I have never been that wild about it. I don’t even like aqua, lime green, or orange, much less altogether as featured colors on my little corner of the internet, but I’m kind of a sucker for polka dots (In moderation! Geometric patterns, like alcohol and hair product, should be used responsibly). I also want to change my blog name. “Gin Is Juiced”, I…have no idea where that came from. A sad, sad take on “Gin and Juice” I guess, but

1. I don’t even like Snoop Dogg
2. I have never had gin (though I do like juice…unless, wait, is that drugs or something?)
3. My mind is rarely on my money, nor is money on my mind

I’d like something new and cute, and I have no idea where to start. This is where you, my chickens, come in and tell me where to go and what to do, and make fun of me for not knowing how to just fix it myself. There are many things I am good at – if you need a partner for a karaoke duet of “Say, Say, Say“, someone to make inappropriate whispered jokes about that one chick’s ugly whore shoes at your next staff meeting, or homemade baked goods, I am there with bells on, my friend – but HTML is sadly not on my list of strengths (impressive as it is).

Wanted: A New Look and a New Name
Won’t you please, please help me?

“NUJV!”

The good thing about carrying around a big purse is that you can fit a lot of things in it.
The bad thing about carrying around a big purse is that you end up carrying around a bunch of crap.

The following are in my bag:

A catnip toy

3 pens (4 if you count the pieces of my awesome Cross pen that I’ve been meaning to get repaired…for 5 years. No, really.)

1 pencil

1 lip pencil, cap missing (uh-oh)

4 kinds of lip balm

6 different varieties of OTC decongestant (No, really)

3 other kinds of OTC meds

A toothpick (I honestly have no idea where this came from)(And I threw it away)

Earbuds, but no MP3 player

3 different shopping lists

6 bobby pins

12 hair bands

And this is AFTER I threw away a large handful of old Starbucks and restaurant receipts…

I took the afternoon off yesterday so I could go grocery shopping and finish re-stocking our fridge and do laundry and just settle back in to being home. My mom called at exactly 5:10 as she was driving home from work.

Mom: Hi baby, I was just calling to check in. It will be strange going back to the house with no one else coming home tonight.
Gin: I know. But we’re really glad to be home. […and resume sexy times.]
M: Your dad and I were really sad when you and [J] left. The house was so quiet with you gone.
G: I know. It was good to be able to spend time with y’all.
M: Yeah. So we were sad for a minute. But then we realized we could walk around pantsless again, so we felt better.

…And on the tenth day, Texas New Mexico said, “Well, we’ve got nothing better to do anymore. *CLICK* Here’s your power.”

And it was good.

Girl groups and fresh, hot pizza make everything seem just a little bit better.

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Sometime in the past week, when I had my head up my ass, whining about “Hurricane This” and “No Power That”, I had my 2,000th hit since I started using Sitemeter in March. Go, me!

C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R

I’ve had this song stuck in my head off and on for the past, like, month. So here, I share it with you:

As I sing it, I may or may not mentally do a dance I learned in drill team lo, many years ago as a sophomore in high school. And yes, it included the walking snap.

Heh.

http://current.com/e/89317322/en_US