Truer words, blah blah blah

That Movie You Should Watch on Netflix Instead of That Movie Released in Theaters Today

Instead of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark:
Watch the miniseries The Kennedys. Seeing one movie starring Katie Holmes is like seeing every movie starring Katie Holmes, because Katie Holmes is only capable of portraying Katie Holmes attempting to be a character I like to call Someone Else. Someone Else can be anyone, really, from a woman dealing with the monsters that are terrorizing her family in a haunted house to a woman dealing with being Jackie Kennedy. To Ms. Holmes, every character is herself as Someone Else and Someone Else usually does that thing with her mouth.

Wait, aren’t you reading The Hairpin? No? What is wrong with you? Because you should be, just for their Scandals of Classic Hollywood series alone. And also Ask A Clean Person. Good stuff, all of it. Just add it to your Reader. Trust.

OMG!

Look what my mom bought me!

 

 

I’m gonna cook so much in this!

 

 

Like…half an apple! Or a casserole for…an American Girl doll…?

P.S. In case you will soon be throwing a dinner party for leprechauns and are interested in purchasing your own set of miniature bakeware, a piece like this one may be found at your local Cracker Barrel, purveyor of chic home furnishings and kitchenware, and fine dining.

P.P.S. I’m not hating on CB – I could eat the shit out of one their Country Breakfasts right now.

P.P.S. Yes, I’ve been drinking.